The Majestic Mermaids

Have you ever heard of Weeki Wachee or of the Weeki Wachee Aqua Maids? Neither had Suzn or myself when we began collaborating on a new play, The Majestic Mermaids. We were, if memory serves me correctly, over 3/4 through with our script when we learned of its existence.

Darn! So began our first rewrite.

We are, at last, approaching the finish line and think it's time to begin thinking about hosting a play reading. We've lost track of the official number of rewrites, but I think we've settled on four. 

There's a good chance our character, Coral Lee of Charleston (that's low country don't you know) could well steal the show but I've below pasted the opening lines of our Lady D for your reading pleasure.

Just keep in mind that Weeki Wachee was quite the Florida tourist destination until Disney and the turnpike came along.

Nothing stays the same, does it? Enjoy...


LADY D’LUNA 
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. Let me welcome all of you to a gloriously majestic...and dry...afternoon of swim-along, I mean sing-along. That’s what we’re doing these days since we’ve been left high and dry. That’s right. We mermaids have been beached. In some circles we might call that...surf on turf!  Anyway, I am Lady Lavinia D’Luna, the proud daughter of one of the original Weeki Wachee Aqua Maids.
        (raises hands, palms out but close to
         her body as if it is all too much)
I know, I know. My mother’s grace. Her poise. Her...
        (dramatically and comically 
         strikes adagio pose)
Adiago! I, of course, was following in her footsteps, until that damn mouse...you know the one I’m speaking of...
        (speaks confidentially) 
...he lives in Orlando. Well, I don’t even know why I mentioned him...
        (sings phrase)
it’s a new day...
        (gulps)
after all...it’s a new day...
        (gulps)
after all.  OOhhh...I am making progress, I said it twice today.
        (sighs deeply)
That felt good. Although, let me add one more thing? As if that perpetually perky...and might I add squeaky...mouse weren’t enough to rankle me to my very core...let alone sink ticket sales at Weeki Wachee and steal my thunder, but then comes the perfect storm.  Thanks to “the developers” a clod of clay the size of a train “mysteriously” found its way into the Florida Aquafir. What, I ask, are the chances of that? Coral Lee says...
        (mimics Coral Lee’s southern accent)
it’s as charmin as swimmin in a snow globe. Phltttt...please, Weeki Wachee is now just one big glass of sour milk. And has been for the last four months
        (puts up four fingers)
Four. We did our best though.
        (reminiscing)
Audiences loved our London Fog Mystery. They clapped and clapped. They really couldn’t see us unless we were six inches from the glass, but they clapped and clapped. However, you can’t sell tickets to the same show for four months straight. Four!
        (holds up four fingers)
and now they say its going to be another five months
        (holds up five fingers)
five! - before the water clears.  My nerves, not to mention my pores, couldn’t take it a second longer. But a Majestic Mermaid can swim in or out of water. So now, thanks to my own personal vision, my tireless efforts, and my complete disregard for my own personal well being and mental health, the Majestic Mermaids debuts today! Without further a due let me introduce to you...
        (throws her arm out wide)
...the quartet you won’t soon forget. Behind me is...
        (looks behind her and spins completely 
         around, giggles nervously upon seeing 
         that she is alone on stage)
Will you give me just...just a moment? CORAL LEE!!!!
        (looks at the audience before 
         speaking light and airy)
I mean Coral Lee, darling...Coral Lee?  Aren’t you supposed to be right...
        (motions to where CORAL LEE
         should be standing)
...here. 

        CORAL LEE enters from the rear of the house
and stands in the entrance. She is holding
a large hand held mirror and begins
applying bright pink lipstick.

CORAL LEE
I’m a comin...I told you I needed 5 more minutes.
        (to a guest)
Lordy, I can’t tell ya how good it feels to trade those big ol dumb flippers for my new sparklys.
        (pushes up her breasts with her hands)
And, it wouldn’t hurt my feelins none if I never had to wring out another falsie... 

That's all for now folks. You'll just have to come to the play reading to learn more! 

If you want to check out the real Weeki Wachee Aqua Maids, which do still exist, click on this link: weekiwachee.com 

And, are you wondering about the picture at the top? These were muffins I was experimenting with and Kenny thought it amusing to use them as a doorstop. Is he a funny guy or what?