When You're Not Audrey Hepburn

You'd think that a woman who doesn't bat an eye at taking public transportation while wearing an 1880's polonaise would feel confident wearing just about anything. Yet, adorn me with a silk scarf  - such a simple thing - and I'm quickly reduced to an ill at ease fussbudget.

However, upon hearing from a French friend that French women find the silk scarf to be an indispensable accessory, I thought it was time to give the scarf another chance. After all, perhaps I was only scarred by the picture of myself with my sister that you see above. No, that is not a small Russian child with the red scarf wrapped around her head.

So I found a book on how to tie scarves and even went so far, in anticipation of success, as to buy a 32" silk scarf. Yet, the book provided only one idea that held the least appeal: the Audrey Hepburn-ish style of scarf wearing. A bit on the dramatic side but, I've always fancied Ms. Hepburn and I as having the same swan-like neck so I thought I'd give it a try.

You see the result.

I can't quite recall if Audrey Hepburn actually sported such a look in a movie or if she happened to be photographed in real life wearing a scarf with sunglasses. But one thing I can tell you for certain - you're hailed with suspicion and teased rather mercilessly in this day and age if you lunch while so dressed.

I've concluded that my new silk scarf is best not draped anywhere on my person. However, it does dress up a wine bottle in a rather lovely fashion. So far, I've returned home with it each time, but if I'm ever asked to bring wine to a friend who longs to wear a silk scarf with the grace of a French woman, I'll let her have both the wine and the blasted scarf.

I'm much happier wearing a beret, even though, according to my French friend, a beret is an accessory best reserved for men. I've got to stop listening to this woman. I love my berets!

Would you like directions so that you, too, can carry a Well Dressed Wine Bottle? Here you go...

Lay a 32" scarf flat with a scarf point facing you. Place the wine bottle in the center so the bottle is aligned with the top and bottom scarf points.

Fold the top point down first. Fold the bottom point up.

Wrap the outside points so that they cross each other at the front of the bottle. Tie them into a knot at the bottle's back. The bottom point that you first folded up can now be folded down over the bottle's front.

My friends, this piece originally appeared in the January 2007 issue of Sweet Willa, but I decided to rework it a bit as I've pondered letting go of this on-line publication. I've decided to release Sweet Willa to the universe as it's really the last bit of Ladies' Tea Guild in my life. 2010 is pulling me in a different direction and I can't fight it any longer.