The Cure for What Ails You

   Forget the inspirational quotes (which, if FB is any judge, are multiplying exponentially). Forget the soothing cup of tea (I heard you gasping…). There’s a better answer for curing what ails you. 

   Synchronized swimming.   

   Don’t wait for our U.S. Olympians, Mary Killman and Maria Koroleva, either. Grab rubber nose clips and a friend and jump in the water. Warm up with a few “tubs” and “water wheels”. Try a “flamingo”. If you don’t yet feel giggles coming on, try executing a perfect “egg beater”. Trust me when I tell you a “boost” propels you out of the water and leaves your troubles behind.  

   My Portland friend, Wendy Kreiger, and I learned the value of synchro (Oh yeah baby, I know the lingo) when our girls were at the age where your mere existence is a source of embarassment. These two young beauties saw fit to harangue us over more money for food as we chatted poolside.

  I no longer remember how it occurred to us but the effect was immediate. The moment we went under and then surfaced - almost simultaneously - with our arms - expressively - arched over our heads, their shared look of horror was a gratifying moment never to be forgotten. They skedaddled and our funds remained intact.  

   We then spent the next 45-minutes as Million Dollar Mermaid wanna be’s. I laugh aloud to this day whenever I think of it. I am laughing now!   

   So try this. Who knows? You might soon find yourself first doing a bit of deck work to set the mood. You might even feel compelled to throw your hair in a bun and slather your head with Knox gelatin (the secret to their always perfect do’s).   

   Of course there’s a historical note! Ester Williams comes to mind when we think water ballerina, but it was Australian Annette Kellerman who paved the way in 1907 by swimming in a glass tank in New York’s Hippodrome. 

   During this visit she was also arrested for indecent exposure. Her form fitting, light colored suit was far beyond its time and more than some folks could bear.   

   She’s known to have said as they took her away, “How do you expect me to swim in more clothes than you put on a clothes line?"   

   The judge threw the case out of court.   

   This tidbit is part of my vintage fashion show, The Stories My Clothing Can Tell.